Because it's Cecilia's death anniversary.
4 years ago, on this day when she decided to take her life, she left behind her precious family and daughter who love and miss her dearly every day. She's left behind her niece who has never forgotten and will never forget her love and presence, me.
I regretted not being by her side that morning and not taking care of her properly like I should have. Maybe if that morning I did not agree to go to that baby shower, things would have been different. She would have been here watching me as I grow up, she would have recovered or probably recovering from her illness and enjoying life like she should have been.
All the memories play back and year after year, I wish I could turn back time and bring her back. I miss her, I missed her so much nobody understood why, and neither do I.
They tell me her passing brought her out of the suffering that all of us could do nothing about. They tell me she is happier at wherever she is now. But they don't know anything at all.
They knew nothing about my relationship with her, we were closer than family, we were like sisters. They don't know anything about the memories we shared or the laughter we had.
I can't bring myself to be glad that her death brought an end to her suffering, I just can't... I cry each time I think about her, I ask myself questions that I doubt anyone can provide answers for.
I just wish that she was here... To watch me grow up just like how an older sister should.
These emotions grow stronger and stronger each year as I remind myself on this day how she died. These feelings become more overwhelming and seem to be consuming all the last strength I have left to face her death.
4 years have passed, some say I have mourned for her long enough and that I should move on, but I can't.
I miss her so much...
Love,
Christianna.
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